Yeah, but see, here’s the thing………….I mean, besides a resounding, “May the 4th be with you, to all you people with a lisp out there………..the thing is……….one of several……….is….even though my performance——my incredibly layered performance——–of “Carrie Fisher” in the show, “Wishful Drinking” was overlooked by the Tony Commission of the United States of Live Action Theater in Manhattan……..I find myself almost effortlessly able to maintain a brave front (on top of my redonkulously large 34 LL boozum)……..

Of course, yes, I spent years——-if not DECADES———working on what I like to think of as my delicately layered portrait of CARRIE FISHER——–that tragic, dual celebrity offspring/issue——-who went from intergalactic off center fold to  drug addicted cinematic side kick to bi polar one time bride of bite sized brilliant song writer to not so semi autobiographical novel scribbling mother of that beautiful child, fathered by that oops did I forget to mention I was bisexual and ever increasingly influential agent to everyone who is anyone in the Industry, to scream writing script doctor friend of that guy who turned out to be dead when I woke up next to him the morning after my ex’s star studded Oscar party……. to that nut house hopping, weight gaining bon mot mumbling one woman show running round the US, eventually winding up on that great white way for in excess of four months, a performance for which I was NOT nominated for the Antoinette Perry “Tony” Award today———-of all days——-May the forth——–which, for many lisping intergalactic devotees will always or never be remembered as the May the Forth—–yes………may the forth be with you—— and you and you and…………even you…….way out over there………that’s right…….YOU………

Couldn’t they see what a stretch it was for me to play, “Carrie Fisher”? Every nite and two times on Wednesday and Saturday,  I had to get out of my way——–all the way out and then slowly, slowly, cell by cell by syringe by syllable…….ever so surreptitiously and unsympathetically into…….whatever that was……… character?………a process so……..so…………well, as you can no doubt intuit…….among other things ……a process……requiring—– well………not only concentration, but …….something a little like………..COURAGE!  I mean, how many people can portray a……….a version of themselves without seeming to be other than who you were when your sense of identity was more intact…….You MIGHT say that on some level you were doing something that you were unaware you were engaged in conveying……….Oh sure……..you might say………how hard could that be? Pretending to NOT be pretending to be yourself? Ha! You might say——–where is the artistry in acting natural? Come on!  Isn’t everyone essentially acting like themselves everyday? (But without an intermission) Who do I think I am when I’m pretending to be real? If I’m apparently ‘down to earth’, where am I coming down to earth FROM? What would it mean, to award someone for acting like themselves? Wouldn’t we then have to award everyone for their daily portrayal of themselves in the role of, “ME”…………”THEM”…………”I”?

It was a stretch……….I admit………..sometimes I didn’t identify with the character of “Carrie Fisher”…………who is she? Is she who she was? Who she seems? What am I pretending not to know when I’m ‘acting naturally’? Isn’t that an oxymoron? Aren’t I? Am I who I say I am? Or am I someone else pretending to be me? Each night I presented myself AS myself. Someone you could relate to, if that’s something you were interested in doing, on top of relating to yourself and to others, whoever we all might be.

SO………..ANYWAY, and aside from any and all of that…………..

I suppose the message here is that I wasn’t really convincing as, “Carrie Fisher”. I wasn’t believable as myself. This only confirms what I used to feel when I was on hallucinogens. Back when I could actually spell that word, as well. Next time I won’t take on a roll that I have so little in common with. There’s a big difference between being brave and being over ambitious. The problem is,  a lot of times, I don’t really know what the difference is…….

If anyone has any advice on how I might’ve made the role more believable, I would really appreciate it. You know……..some insight on how best to make a character like Miss Fisher more……….relatable……….accessible………….REAL.

Until then……….may the fifth…….forth………..whatever the fuck……..be with whoever you’re hoping everyone believes you to be…………

xoxo CFF

You guys, I just read a bunch of your posts and I have to say……….you’re all pretty much incredibly awesome.

Not even pretty much. Beautiful much. Much to the 9th power. SympatiCo. Kindred. I’ve come to find (on all fours) that if you talk to people with the best of yourself, you tend to get the best of whatever human you’re connecting with back. And baby got back big time blog wise.

I’ve been thinking a bit more on this topic recently, and have decided that people should have to get an insult license. I mean, those who insist on posting or other unwise their contemptuous remarks concerning those of us who are less than perfect.  You know—-apply to a official board—–qualified in whatever way you need to be qualified in order to look down on others. Some kind of Hitler Youth Panel. (obviously not literally, but that TYPE……… Blonde. Clear eyed. Able to identify flaws at 30 paces.  Expert. Vaguely reminiscent of David Beckham or Jessica Simpson.  Not emotionally involved. No reason to be envious. Also able to provide tips on how to improve said flaws almost compassionately. Beauty tips. Tips on how lure others into your carefree thrall……..Ensnared in your  intoxicating, irresistible, fungal free net. “Dis”passionate.  Etc.
Or ECT. Whatever works.

Oh! And while we’re not on the subject, I’ve written a rap song called, “Honore de Ball Sack”……..which I hope to debut on this website in honor of the kindness you’ve extended to me.

I am in New York now and about to embark on an extended, potentially whanky media campaign for my show here. Will try to give you a shout out. All of you. Except one.

You know who you are.

In closing I’d like to say…………….
you haven’t lived vicariously til you’ve lived thru me….

Into you as ever………
oxxooxcf

Okay, gang, I’m totally sorry I said that shit that turned up on TV…..it’s inexcusable, though—-being human, I will attempt to illustrate how this happened…..that I said such an asinine thing.

So these creepy stalkerazzi were hovering around outside of that new-found den of iniquity, Mickey Fine Pharmacy, & a few of them followed me to my car—–one with a movie camera. And this cretin sez to me,

“Hey Carrie! What do you think of incest!”

Apropos of absolutely nothing excepting selling to those unscrupulous media outlets that have nothing more urgent to report on—-screw health care & moronic congressman outbursts & missing Yale med students—-let’s manufacture some story where, out of the blue est of Porno blue—-some former celebrity from an iconic film starts prattling on about incest & pedophilia out of nowhere!

Yeah!

That’ll rattle the public’s cage & take the focus off more pressing news. So asks me what I think of incest, & I say sarcastically,

“I think it’s great, don’t you? And you know what else is cool……?” and blah blah blah—- I smart ass my way to my car like, “I sure showed them what an offensive, ridiculous question THAT was!” yeah, I sure showed them..:.all the way to the bank. So now MY stupidity lines their pockets & I come away looking like some snarky ASSHOLE—–so for this & whatever else happens to pop out of my immature, unthinking manic mouth—- I am both chagrined & sorry & will make every unchecked impulse effort to not let it happen again…..

Your shame faced sigh fie sister,

Carrie

And yes, I am probably one of the stupidest smart people you will ever run across—-or run over by a bus——this is merely the most recent example of this phenomenon. For more explicit examples, one need merely to take a piteous glance at my persistent drug use down thru the years….. or attend my show Wishful Drinking at Studio 54.

Thank you for your patience…

“To err is human, to forgive, divine….”

Forgive my thoughtless outburst, if u can. Even though I’m having trouble forgiving the, “you lie!” congressman, I’ll probably end up having to, if I hope for forgiveness my own self……

I thought that I’d forgotten one of the things I was thinking of writing about, but now I remember………at least I think I do…… One thing is that I foolishly Googled myself last nite—–because the Enquirer has been trying to get me to confirm some asinine thing I said as a bad joke AGES ago, & I wanted to see if had shown up somewhere—- which it hadn’t—– until now, when I stupidly call attention to this non event here——- ANYWAY—–in the process of searching, I found that someone had posted that I USED to be hot, but that now I looked like Elton John. As much as I attempted to place myself above the reach of this observation……

I must admit that…..yup……. This ended up hurting my feelings—–all 7 of them.

You see, I was hot when most people are hot—- in my fucking 20’s & part of my 30’s……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older——inadvertently, I assure you———-I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I’m sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise.

Yes, I realize…..I KNOW that I vowed to exercise for 3 hours a day—-aerobics, pilates AND yoga, but alas, I admit with a large quota of shame, that I failed to fulfill this other important commitment.
NO, I shouldn’t look as if 30 years have passed. I understand completely if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me for looking like 3 decades have passed…….Of COURSE you should mock & belittle me for being so large!! What else could you POSSIBLY do?????!?  I’ve let you down by treating my body as though it were just some giant sad sack that I use to haul my personality around. You have every right to compare me to Yoda or Elton or Kirstie…….I’ve brought it on myself.

But here’s this thing that I found myself wondering………what the fuck do YOU look like??!

I know i don’t really have the right to ask……I’m a public figure——Ive made an unspoken contract to keep that figure slim…….but still, I find myself wondering…….See, I think the folks that insult & mock celebrities who DARE to pack on ten pounds or—–God forbid——MORE than ten!…..I would think it only fair that they post a photo of themselves along with their poisonous observations!  And you know what else would be SUPER cool??? Their IQ! ALL the numbers! An approximate count of Weight AND wisdom!

And as a teeny aside—–my show on Broadway is not about my appearance. Oh sure, I’m killing myself trying to lose weight before I open so I won’t offend any theater goers eyes while attempting to entertain them via their ears…… But just in case I don’t achieve my goal of keeping my promise to look 25 & instead manage to remind you of bulbous slugs or gay, iconic musicians……..
I’d like to take this opportunity to offer this quasi poignant explanation & to say to those of you I’ve visually offended…… from the bottom of my heart encased in fat——-

BLOW MY BIG BOVINE tiny dancer COCK!

We now return to our regular programing……
XxOoCf

Hello to one and all!

Tis I! Your intermittent blogmeister, back to provide you with inside information on The Late Michael Jackson. I was friendly with Michael. I believe that he considered us to be friends.

Micheal Jackson reading Carrie Fisher's Whishul Drinking

I visited him over the Christmas holiday at that weirdly expensive rental home somewhere here in Southern Cal. What’s odd is that I see fans laying flowers in front of homes that I don’t think Michael ever lived in. But then this whole scene is odd.

Here’s the thing though—–I saw Michael multiple times with his children and thought that he was a very good father. Not only based on seeing him with his children, but also based on his children themselves. They are very well behaved, respectful children, who seemed content in Michael’s company. I mean, I doubt if Michael cooked for them or parented them in ways that might be considered conventional, but you could see how much he loved them and how much they loved him. I do NOT believe that Michael did anything untoward to not only his children, but to any other child. He was a child himself. I never in any way viewed him as someone who was capable of doing what they accused him of doing. He was devoted to his family and doted on them. In a town where you more often see children of celebrities with their nannys and in the care of others, I never saw anything like that with Michael and his children. I would say he was a hands on parent, but with the press and some of the public being as they are, I wouldn’t want to say anything that could be interpreted in any way other than the loving scene that I observed between his 3 children and himself. And I stand to gain nothing in stating this.
Michael was one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever encountered. He was generous and polite. And where you might expect to see children that were pampered and spoiled, his children showed none of this.

I don’t believe that Arnie Klein is the father of these children. Why would he do that? He might as well just adopt 3 kids, rather than arrange a situaion where he was not the father. I realize these children don’t resemble him mightily, but I there must be some other explanation other than someone else fathered these children. Michael was eccentric, no doubt. But he was no fool.
My favorite news program that I’ve seen regarding this whole scene is a program that asked the question, “Are there too many programs on Michael’s death and who will gain custody of his children…….”

Anyway, there you have it. For now. I’ll let you know of any other insights I am privy to as we go along. If I can.

Aside from that, I’m fine. (whatever that means!) Tomorrow we go to Berkeley to do my show for two weeks to prepare for Broadway. Perhaps I will seek custody of Michaels children, depending on how things develop………

Unless you have some other suggestions. Everyone else seems to want to weigh in on it……..

Marry me,
Carrie

Sorry I’ve been MIA (missing in America—–& inaction) I’ve still been laying low, just not AS low. I’ve managed to include some exercise and outlining a new book. AND getting the gray out of my hair in preparation for Broadway. I’m also going to New York next weekend to present an award on the Tonys and check out some apartments for the fall.

My mother left for NYC yesterday, to do HER one woman show at the Carlyle Hotel for the entire MONTH. She was a little bit nervous about the NY critics, cause they can be pretty brutal. I think the last time she worked there they might not have been as nice as they could’ve been. I can’t imagine them tearing apart a 77 year old, hard working, incredibly talented icon—–but then, who knows? People are unpredictable in both good and bad ways as you no doubt have noticed.

Other than that, I’ve still been watching way too much TV and trying to diet. A friend of mine from my deep, teenage past passed away today, so that’s sad. Especially for his mother—-I can’t think of anything worse than outliving your child.

In closing, I’d like to enclose a poem I wrote decades ago in the hopes that it will contribute in your version of thriving tinged with joy.

Your once upon a time is up,
Prince charming’s been abducted,
Tinkerbell’s on angel’s dust,
The Matterhorn’s erupted

Your once upon a time is up,
Tammy’s talking dirty,
Dumbo has a PHD,
Leia’s WAAAAAAAAAAAY past thirty……….

oxxoxocff

I have placed vital items of survival of the holiday season online!!!

Take a look at the limited edition art, t-shirts & autographed memorabilia- ONLY sold here.

Don’t miss out on getting that autograph collecting, Star Wars worshiping, Wishful Drinker the gift of gifts this holiday season.

Regards,

E of E

Welcome to the official Carrie Fisher website.

My current plans are to keep writing The Best Awful script, my newest book & present my one woman show this summer.

Take a look at the link- http://www.sopacnow.org/540/carrie-fisher-wishful-drinking-saturday-evening-performance

Review of  the Broadway showhttp://theater2.nytimes.com/2009/10/05/theater/reviews/05brantley.html

Regards,

Engineer of Elsewheres