Putting the ‘fun’ in funeral
By Carrie • Jan 30th, 2009 • Category: NewsI have to tell you something before we go any further with this blogging business. See, I’m a very persnickety human. I can’t just write something and push a button sending it out into the internetosphere for all to judge and laugh at. I have to endlessly fuck with my words so nobody can make fun of me. Now, keeping yourself impervious to mockery is a full time occupation. I’ve been working at it ever since I can remember. ALSO, to add (fear of) insult to (fear of) injury—–I normally do all my writing in long hand. None of this clickity tick typing something into some kind of permanently out there in some easily accessible file that anybody and their sister can look at all raw and unchecked. No, before I organize a bunch of words and let you oggle them, I feel I need to endlessly change them and rearrange them til they’re perfect. Or CLOSE to perfect.. If not actually perfect, then breathing down perfect’s neck. I needed to tell you this to explain why I haven’t been posting some lively, refreshing blog each and every day to entertain you and provide me with a pleasant sense of accomplishment. I think too much of you readers to expose you to some unchecked, who gives a shit piece of cliterature. So until I can recover from my self conscious need to continuously review and edit every sentence that snakes it’s way out of me, I’m afraid I won’t be able to post EVERY day, but every OTHER. If I have to both write my blog AND edit it too…….well, .fuckshitpissass………this is going to be quite the labor of love. Or a labor of like A whole LOT. Until I can get on a roll and not feel the need to work arranging and rearranging words as they organize their untrustworthy way down the page——you understand what I’m saying, right? I hope you do, cause I almost don’t—and if all of us have to wonder what the fuck I’m getting at——-well, that would be a gosh darn shame.
I’ve been writing the story of my friend Greg’s death for your amusement—-and I’ve been toiling at this thing for days, in an effort to make it PERFECT. Trying my best to live up to the challenges that a story about dying presents. And it’s driving me CRAZY…( which isn’t too long of a drive, cause I’m pretty much living at crazy’s destination full time as it is)
You might say I’m trying to put the ‘fun’ in funeral for y’all. In the process of working on this tale for the internet ages, (internet, or internut?) I’ve come across all sorts of phrases that relate to life and death in my typing travels. For example, “Living room”! Where did THAT come from? We don’t have a ‘dying room” do we? Normally, I would say that I don’t have a dying room, but in fact it would seem that I do. What was once my “bedroom’ is now my ‘deadroom” See what I mean? And what about ‘deadline’? A thing I’ve missed almost every day recently.
Anyway, all this so you know that I’m toiling over a story to tell you—-which I have no problem with. Writing, that is. Editing is another story. I’m not a very good editor. Or you could say that I’m a very unhappy editor.
I appreciate that you work so hard to bring us something perfect. Needless to say, I’m incapable of mocking you, as I’m just not clever enough, nor would I want to. So far, this blog has turned out- for lack of a better term on my part- neato. Your narrative is funny and provoking, your candor is refreshing, and it’s just… neat. Keep them coming, I can’t imagine you could disappoint.
I can say (and others might flog me for saying so) that even if you updated only once a week or (gasp!) once a MONTH, i’d still be thrilled with what you have to share. Take your time. Its nice to see you putting so much effort and thought into it. Highly appreciated, and damned awesome.
Carrie,
I agree what Erin and Ericka have said; I’m glad that you are taking the time to make our reading experiences of your blog as perfect as you can make it. There are some people out there that don’t put in that much effort and it shows. I have been to many message boards and blogs where people don’t even take the time to do a simple spell check before hitting the send button. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Okay. Reading this stuff cheers me up. Not that the events per se of a lot of it are necessarily funny but the author is. I’ve read all your books including “Wishful Drinking” and I’ve always admired the honesty mixed with the terrific humor. That’s a rare commodity these days especially. I almost feel like you should be paid for the blog, you know, like a therapist.
love the blog.
blogs and kisses,
abe
As a blogger myself, I know what it takes to get the words out and down in some coherent form. I have wonderful ideas, as well as plans to blog faithfully but somehow it doesnt always work out as planned. I swear I will blog every other day and find that sometimes a week has gone by (sssshhhh or heaven forbit even longer- don’t tell!). I too am picky about what I write and how it all comes together. Carrie, do it when the muse strikes and the faithful who read the blog will love every minute of it. You will love doing it even more! Looking forward to your next blog- whenever that may be….
Lots Love,
Chris
I love the blog and I love the honesty in your writing. Wishful Drinking was a pleasure to read. I’d write when I’m more coherent but thats going to be hours from now and by then I’ll have only short window of time to actually get work done. My mother recently told me that insanity runs in the family on her side and not to worry, that I have a weak strain of it. This was something I had always suspected but figured it was just carelessness on my part in making bad choices for husbands- nope, its insanity rearing it’s ugly head. I asked my best friend if I should hint to people that I’m either slightly mentally challenged or slightly insane, whichever one wouldn’t make people run in the other direction. He told me that I was neither but I believe he was distracted by my chest at that moment and could not make an intelligent repsonse.
By the way, I saw that you will be at the Hollywood Collectors Show in a couple of weeks. I will be there heckling my friend who sells old stuff there. I want to get an autograph but I hate the chatter that comes with it. I hate sounding like a moron saying something that has been heard a million times and then I battle my social anxiety disorder while I’m there so I go to the show and leave without any autographs. I often feel like wearing a sign that says, “I’m Mute. Sell Me autograph.”
Now that I’m mortified at what I’ve written and I sound even more neurotic than I thought. I will leave with the rest of my shredded dignity and get to work. Have a great day!
Absolutely love what you are doing – your blog is a must read. Please try not to be so hard on yourself, Carrie. I know easy for me to say. Sending appreciation to you for all you do to communicate with and yes entertain us…
Your blog makes me smile, which is about the best to be hoped for at the moment — so thank you! Hugs & sandwiches,
lizzle
Carrie, you are putting way too much pressure on yourself.
Shouldn’t this be fun for you?
We already know you’re fabulous or we wouldn’t be here.
Cyber hug to you.
This is amazing; an instant fix for all Fisherfanatics with an appreciation for well written words, and a love for cynical humor at it’s best. But the main rule of blogging is to blog for yourself first, and everyone else second. Don’t trip yourself up over things that come naturally to you-we love your words no matter the form.
Thank you for making your thoughts accessible. We’re going to love it.
I concur with LIndaS. And everyone else that thinks you are fabulous.
I’m a preacher, and I use the word VERY loosely, but people get upset when they find out I script my sermons. Then they get more upset to find out I write them over the course of an entire week. They tell me that when I get up in the pulpit I should just let the words flow from God (and I use that term even more loosely so don’t stop reading) or that they should just flow from my heart. The trouble is that everything has to get routed through my brain and if that wasn’t fucked up I wouldn’t be in 12 step!! I hear you on wanting to edit, edit and re-edit everything before it goes out.
Add my hug to the group hug on this blog!
I see you’re up and running. You’ve been up and running, but I just got the email. I’ve spoken to you twice. It has been a while. I’m going to try an email.
Even though words can drive you nuts making sure they are perfect…to throw them around like a tossed salad that is perfectly made is a skill you no doubt posess. It is wonderful to read your honesty that is always laced with your inimatable sense of humor. Now…are you all up for seeing Grey Gardens with Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore?
Will you tell me your thoughts on just exactly what an editor does? Does he or she write and edit? Do they just edit and not write? I know as an editor myself that I love writing and I have to edit when I write…but when you are holding the position of an editor of a magazine, does all of this just morph into one big vison if you have other writers too working with you? Maybe it’s just the editor’s job to bring that mindfuck of being an editor into a positive light which includes other writers who are skilled in their craft…Craft is so overused. Craft foods, it’s my craft…yawn. It’s definitely a one person job while others around you wait for a mistake in one way or another…or they simply let the ship continue to sail every month knowing they have faith in what you are accomplishing. Inspiration and sense of self doesn’t always ground you after the task at hand has been accomplished. Yet it sure is an excellent rush to get it all done. Yikes, I’m not starting to sound like a bad version of Albert Brooks?
Carrie,
Thank you for taking the time to write this blog. I love reading it. I picked up “Wishful Drinking” and as many have done before me, finished it in one sitting. Then I bought “Postcards from the Edge” because I missed your writing already and knew it would be terrific. It was. I related so much to the character. Not all of the circumstances, but definitely to Suzanne Vale. And I can quote it all day. That book was like therapy for me. Everyday I read held more insights than I have gotten from any self-help book I have every attempted to read (not that there are many). So thank you for saving me time and money, I don’t have, on a therapist.
I just picked up “The Best Awful” today. Looking forward to it.
Also, as an aspiring writer, you are a huge inspiration to me. Your writing style is unique and wonderful. Thanks for just doing what you do. You deserve so many writing awards and I know they will come to you sometime. Oh and fuck the NYT. Your one liners are fantastic and sometimes one will pop in my head and make me laugh out loud all over again.
Thanks!!
Sarah
PS: Please, please, please tour somewhere on the east coast or midwest (Chicago?) this year with “Wishful Drinking”! I would love to see it and am prepared to road trip somewhere. Can’t make it to Seattle though. Please consider it!
Sweet! So glad ye blog is up and running. Have devoured all of your books and just finished
Wishful Drinking. I soaked that one up. Fab. Thanks for taking the time to share yourself.
I had the pleasure of hanging out with you briefly years ago in Lexington, Kentucky at a Derby
Eve Party. You were accompanied by Bruce Wagner and part of the LexKy crew of
Frank Mauro (huge head, big white teeth, party thrower with The Radisson) and my advertising
agency boss Connie (tiny little thing that should be making cookies in a tree with the Keebler elves).
Anyho/Anyhoo, we had a nice chat, my idiot husband Ryan (if Jethro from the Beverly
Hillbillies and Elvis could have had a love-child) kept offering you Kentucky Bourbon,
then he wised up and started offering cigs. So we huffed and puffed our smokie treats (because
you have to support your local tobacco farmer and smokie treats just sound more healthy) and
traded witty banter and sarcastic hysterical quips. Ryan asked if you wanted to dance and your
mouth dropped open. You said something like … you are going to treat me like a “normal”
person? To which we replied something like … normal by what standards? You smiled, said no
“civilians” ever ask you to dance and took his hand. And then you two cut a rug … or rather,
the gala tent floor.
Before we left the party, we were chatting about William Shatner since he owns a horse
farm near here … about the Star Trek groupies vs. the Star Wars groupies.
My husband and I still die laughing at what you said about Shatner!
You very nicely offered to autograph my copies of your books … so
Frank Mauro said, I’ll have my people mail Laura’s books out to Carrie’s
people … blah blah blah. But before he could make that happen he up and died. (Thanks Frank.)
Have some fun pictures of that evening … some great memories … and am looking forward
to following along with your blog journey.
- La La (Laura)
Lexington, Kentucky
Hi Carrie,
I totally get what you mean about making sure everything is perfect before you send it out. Hell, I’ve been trying to write to you for years now, but it never made it to E-mail or snail-mail, just file 13. Like now, I have a million things to say to you but they all sound so cliche. But I can say this, thank God, or whoever, for finally getting your website up and running! I’ve been checking it since ‘postcards from the web’ only to never learn or see anything new. I’m sure countless fans around the world are ecstatic about the new site and being able to blog with you. It’s totally awesome now that I don’t have to wait from book to book to hang on your every word!
As far as editing and deadlines go… Being a perfectionist drove me nuts when I was a commercial production director for a cable company. After writing and shooting the spot, I would call the ad agency or advertiser and tell them it was ready. THEN I would start editing it. Knowing they’d be on the way soon I had no time to change my mind a zillion times. I just had to go with my gut. I pretty much flew by the seat of my pants through the wole process, usually writing the spot on the way to get the client’s approval when I had weeks to prepare. I finally realized I’m not just a procrastinator, I work better under pressure because if given enough time I will fuck something up all to hell when it was probably fine to begin with. Kind of like this letter. Sorry, I guess all that was on my mind since I fucked up my blossoming advertising career by being just as good at sniffing and shooting as I was at that. And reading your blog, not to mention the entire contents of your first and last books which I read over and over, just kind of reminded me of the good old days after I left the creative end and became an Advertising Account Executive with perks and status and way more money to buy drugs with. Anyway, thanks for listening! And above all, thank you for cranking out wonderful books that I somehow managed to put down my straws, pipes and syringes long enough to read. Oh, by the way, I’m clean now, and trying to figure out how to get it all back.
Congratulations on the new book and the show. Thanks for being unbelievably brilliant, talented and entertaining. Keep it coming! Nobody else even comes close!
Sincerely,
Karen
Carrie,
I love your blog! I’ve been looking forward to it. Love your books, they’re some of my very favorites ever. I finished The Best Awful a couple weeks ago…it was one of few books that made me laugh and cry. I like to feel something when I read you know, the work’s really connecting with me then. And your books do that. You’re funny and honest…you’ve got a style like nobody else.
Thanks for making this blog! I’m really glad you’ve got one. Hope you have fun with it…I know we all will reading it.
This is why I love ya, CF.
Thanks Carrie. You’re doing fabulous. And as a fellow writer I give my total support. Take all the time you need. There are so many useless and inane blogs out there by people who think every phrase they come up is somehow essential to the future of life in this universe.
Your bits have been touching, amusing, hilarious, comforting and believe it or not, relatable.
It’s my firm belief, We Are All Crazy; only you have the courage admit it, write about it, make it funny.
God Dammit we need to laugh at the pain and suffering! (post grieving of course)
There is no other possible explanation for the existence of laughter.
(continued)
There is no other possible explanation for laughter, other than relief from all things painful.
This is why Tibetan Buddhist Monks, Lama’s and what not, are always so giggly and giddy and happy.
They laugh at everything.
You’d have to in that Climate.
i don’t suffr tht same problm.
Though I see how your approach might save you future embarrassment. I look forward to reading more painstakingly-crafted posts from you.
Your writing is so natural and relaxed sounding I find it hard to imagine that you have to put that much effort into it. Thanks for all the hard work.
REally though just relax & write what moves you. Try not to give it so much thought as it seems you instincts are fantastic. People accept a lot more relaxed on line then in a book. ENjoy more, worry less you’re doing fine.
They say that creating and analysing are two separate processes. Just keep the writer and the editor sides away from each other so your voice can continue to flow. (easier said than done, of course–as a painter I keep having to remind myself of this very same advice).
I look forward to your posts !
I don’t even know how you FIND the time to write these great blogs. So don’t be so hard on yourself! Just continue to be the best persnickety logger you can be!
There pep talk for the day complete… Now I can go about my day. lol.
See what happens when you don’t edit?? That was blogger… not logger. lol. Though now I have conjured up a fun little image of you in the flannel singing the lumberjack song from Monty Python. tee hee hee.
Isn’t it great to be easily entertained?
Relax Carrie you total spazz – it’s called perfectionism – but only pejoratively by those who hand out paychecks to those with an insolence for quality. We’re awash in mediocrity as it is ( bla bla bla ) – and a blog that is more about quality than the daily ASCII money-shot is what matters now: imagery not withstanding.
If you need an editor AND a Republican friend, e-mail me.
Save the Wookie, save the world.
Oh come on, this is blogging, know that they are going to make fun of you no matter how much you fiddle with the words. The moving hand having moved moves on or something
Just keep in coming, Carrie, because YOU are *perfect, whole and complete* as that old New Age saying goes, something I like to repeat in my mind–it’s better than Sunday School. As a child, for me it was belt beatings, Sunday school, emotional abuse, quiet sit down family dinners, and knock-down, drag-out fights with my sister. I once called her a slut, the insult of the day back then. I was viscous. I am so sorry for all that. How was I to know my father was sexually abusing her and she couldn’t tell anyone what was really going on? How was I to know that as an adult she’d end up checking out via lead poisoning??? She just wasn’t nice like me; I was the good one and she was the bad one. Not his fault, but I can’t listen to Eddie Fisher’s music or anything from the 50’s; makes me want to throw up–it’s because there was such turmoil in my life during that time. I know I overdid it but I still think LSD was good for me (except that I overdid it). Now, this isn’t perfect but here goes. I’m submitting.
I do the same thing, so I know the feeling, but please don’t worry too much about it – I just love hearing from you, no matter what it is. I’ve always been a huge fan of yours, and aside from the fact that Leia was my first crush (and my first clue that I was very much mostly not straight
) I really enjoy your writing and your sense of humor. Please keep on sharing, even when it’s not perfect you make the world a better place! <3
This post reminds me very much of my own internal struggle with writing and editing. My biggest fear is that I will produce something that everyone will hate, and so I end up killing it with the proverbial red pen. I can really appreciate the effort that you put into posts that you deem worthy for us all to see.
Thank you!
(I am also quite pleased to find that I am not, in fact, the only person who still writes things out longhand, first. I have piles of composition books all over the place, serving as little primordial oozes for countless proto-stories.)
Carrie,
You are hilarious. I love your sense of humor and writing style! I’m eternally in debt for whoever’s link I clicked to end up on your blog…if I can ever remember who it was!
Can’t wait to read more. I’ll have to check out your book, too.
You’ve got a wonderful voice that is joyously welcoming and including: if the price of writing with such verve is that it takes you a long time, I’m quite okay with that. Aren’t I a peach?
Well, yes, I am. Definitely. I’ve decided I wouldn’t kill to write like you.
Though I might maim.
William
Too funny! One of my clients manages a funeral home and uses that line all the time. I actually made them a banner for their Christmas party last year that said “We put the fun in funeral” on it.
First of all I got to congratulate you on your web page and blog. It is rare to see a celebrity sharing their life with the public this way. I have always been a fan of yours and every time, over the many years, that I have checked you up on the web, I have been mainly disported at what I found. I hope you will continue to make the time to share your life with us and others. The world we live in needs more sharing.
I also am a story teller. Will I would like to be. I have loads of stories in my head going back as far as I could remember. New ones added all the time. I just recently started writing them down. I like the experience and I can write towns in a short time. But I am not a writer and I always HATED to edit my work. My school teachers, ages ago, use to try and encourage me to proofread my work, but for the most part they were not successful Both in high school and college, I had teachers who liked my writing but were always at me to edit my work before turning it in. I have changed little over the years and I still HATE to edit. I can write a book in three weeks, and then I let it sit for years, slowly going over it and editing it. I got to force myself to. Oh well I keep telling myself am not a writer. But now I see even a real writer, and even someone who has been a script doctor and who I always thought was good at writing dialogue, can also hate editing. It is good to know there are other people who write that hate editing as much as me
I drafted my dissertation in a series of spiral notebooks with constant reworking, scribbling, doodling, etc.
I don’t mind the editing so much, but I’d hate not having everything written down for me to go back & look at.
The delete button is a little too permanent since my brainstorms don’t happen in convenient order.
Good to know I’m not the only one who drafts this way.
i started writing my comment to this post back in january, but kept changing it until it was perfect. trouble is, i edited it down to nothing. so now it’s perfect. but it’s also nothing.
Dad jokes!
Dear Carrie: Gosh, I HOPE you are able to get and read this, as I am all BUT computer illiterate! (And UNashamed too!!) And as I don’t have your personal e-mail address, it is my hope – AND prayer – (yes, I am actually praying now!) that SOMEone, someHOW, will forward this to you, and that you may take pity upon another fellow “depressive” and respondez-vous?…I have been battling depression for nearly AS many years as I’ve been alive, (I won’t even TELL you how long THAT is!) and am considering taking the dive to Electric C/S Therapy as none of the meds I’ve tried have really helped. But I’m scarrrrrred, downright AFRAID, and would so appreciate any insight you might be able to give me? I think you’re great! Thanks for being the voice (or voicES) for the entertaining AS WELL AS the torture of depression. Little old ME, here in beautiful downtown Derwood, Maryland, have found inspiration and solace in your candor and humor. Sue Ann
your blog is fantastic carrie;)
Hello, dear, this is you newest fan, AvivA-Lynn
Your brother Todd might say that I have been Heavenly sent to clarify an issue for you. It pertains to an old post in which you ponder the wisdom of the phrase “It is all in your head” as opposed to your proposed “It is all in you ass”. You state the only place worse for ANYTHING than your head is your ass. Having had serious debilitating mental illness and serious debilitating bowel disease, on this topic I am an expert of sort:- an infallible one. In order to solve this mystery inside a riddle wrapped in an enigma, as to which is actually worse, I must first preface with a vignette. When my nephew was a young boy he asked his Grandma “Which is WORSER (not a typo) a hornet or a bee?” To apply that query to our subject matter, I can answer that they are definitely BOTH worser. Now it would appear we have a tie, but bringing the wisdom of an expert- I can give you absolute truth- the ultimate answer as to which is worser: having the upper part of your body brutally attacked or the lower part of your body brutally attacked is this: (and had you delved a bit deeper into the topic Carrie, with your wonderful intelligence, I am sure you would have been able to ascertain this all on you own- like your achievement in tongue piercing…)the one that is certainly worser is the one HAPPENING AT THAT VERY MOMENT, I was not able to clear this up for you in a timely fashion because I just discovered your blog two days ago
By your way of counting, bowel disease and mental illness would make two problems, but my list is so long (my shrink says I have enough problems for an entire village) that at any given time, whilst enumerating the damning litany, I am likely to FORGET TWO.
I have much to tell you that might well interest you, like I too had a young love with a boy who is now an Orthodox Rabbi living in Israel with his wife and nine kids! An instance of “Really, you too?” and how often does that happen when you tell this story?
Carrie I wish you all that is good…