How the Mighty Party…
By Carrie • Feb 26th, 2009 • Category: NewsThis last weekend was, as you know (unless you live in an ice cave in Greenland), Oscar weekend. A time I have dubbed “New Years Eve for the Vapid”—-and not without reason. So many parties to go to——-so many people not invited to at least SOME of them. Always a way to feel, “LESS THAN” Less than what you perceive to be the mighty to be.
How the mighty party. And how many of us wish we were them. Wide smiles, flat stomachs, big bank accounts, they are the focus pullers=====yanking on our focus until it’s totally bent out of shape. I like to go to the parties and mine for brass among the gold. Find the ordinary in the midst of the so called extraordinary. And, believe me, it doesn’t take much digging. Parties where all eyes are either on the door to see who just came in——Is that Tom Cruise?
Madonna & Jesus
Oh my God, there’s Madonna! Is she with that Jesus guy? Were you invited to her party with Demi on the night of the telecast? Yeah, me neither. I don’t care though. I wouldn’t have gone anyway, even if I WAS invited. Who cares? That’s one of the many poses available on Academy weekend. You can go excited or bitter. Or a bit of both. Exbitted. Pretend to be blasé that Meg Ryan is over there at the bar talking to Mathew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker.
My ex had a party at his house. Millions of those car parking humans greet you. You hand your vehicle over to some blue jacket stranger and walk toward the door to your death. The death of cool. It’s hard to be blasé when you have absolutely no physical space. Stepping on the toes of the mighty, inhaling the smoke of the fallen or falling mighty—-which I can count myself, at one time, as one. And no doubt I’ll tumble again. That’s the only direction you have left to you once you’ve climbed to the top of your field. Appreciate the view, then check the distance back from whence you came. “Yo! I’m going back from whence I came! Want a ride? If we hurry we can get a window seat!”
Meg Ryan
Tom Cruise
So yes, I did see Tom Cruise and chastised him for not coming to see the child that we had together. I asked Meg Ryan if she was single, cause a friend of mine (a celebrity who shall remain nameless) wanted to date her. And her answer was—–essentially NO! So BRAVO Meg! And bummer for my friend who wanted me to check on her availability.
I spent a lot of my evening at my ex’s party in our daughter’s bedroom, listening to the din of the above the line. I saw my friend Bruce Cohen and his husband, Gabe, which was thrilling. Bruce produced Milk and is producing the adaptation of my last book, The Best Awful, which is this 4 hour thing I wrote for Bruce to star Meg Ryan. And, as of unbelievably recently, it looks like it might get made for cable. So that could be good, huh?
There was a party the following day at Barry Diller and Dion von Furstenburg’s house, who live up the block from me. Both these parties, by the way, like so many pre Oscar parties, are something of a tradition (which out here only has to have been happening for like 3 years)
Barry gives a party for the editor of Vanity Fair, Graydon Carter, who I had seen the night before at Bryan’s. I WAS going to go—-Barry’s house is beautiful and his dog bit me there once, so there are a lot of memories there for me—–but the thought of seeing all the same people that I saw the night before, only now 4 blocks away and in daylight—–I couldn’t bring myself to go. Forgive me.
The same valet parkers lined the street and rows and rows of expensive cars lined Coldwater.
I stayed in bed for a lot of the day, watching the cars being parked on the camera at my front gate. (which I only have A) because I’m pretentious and B) because if had a few stalkers. Happy now?
And yes, I DO read your posts and they always cheer me up and make it very difficult for me to feel alone and uncared for, which I generally try to do every day.
I wrote to someone that I was no stranger to hurt. In fact, it stayed in my guesthouse when it was in town and we had also exchanged friendship rings!
I have more to tell you about Oscar nite. Nothing too thrilling. But I just wanted to post this before the entire Oscar experience was something recalled thru the rosy haze of nostalgia, instead of a weird reality that I only recently plowed thru……..
-soope
Wow, this is getting better than People Magazine.
I went to an Oscar party once. But instead of celebrities and champagne (I’m guessing), we had chips and a trashcan full of jungle juice with an ice-luge. And frat guys. And one guy that graduated high school with Natalie Portman.
I guess the whole experience soured me on the idea of the Oscars. Now I can’t watch three awards without flashbacks and boredom.
I can’t wait for The Best Awful to be adapted to film. I used to read it aloud to co-workers.
Well now you’re missing out on your big opportunity to be my best friend . . . and after all my years of stalking you in my mind (because I just don’t have the energy to do it any other way). I guess I will just never be one of your gays after all
So, I’m moving to Palm Springs where I will lick my wounds and tan until I am the color of an old handbag.
But, I will be reading, reading, reading. Thank you so much for writing like this for us my dear. Like it or not, you are a delight.
xoxo
jacob
I agree todd, way better!
Carrie, I have come to the decision should we ever one day meet. We would get along better than a house on fire…maybe a whole suburb. You go to these parties and act excactly as I do when i get thrown into them- granted mine have slightly less movie stars. but only slightly.
Thank goodness for you, I now feel I have an inside scoop to the fabulously vapid which I have had on a pedestool so long they are getting dusty.
Thanks for more fun post,
Rock on!
Thanks for inviting me, Carrie.
Next year I guess.
W
One can exchange friendship rings with hurt? What a tremendous idea. I never thought of trying to make nice with it, although I once thought drowning it in alcohol was a fine plan.
I don’t know why, but picturing you watching the cars park via your security camera made me smile. Maybe it made you sound like a little old lady spying on her neighbors. But in a good way.
Good Times.
Oh…. the Oscars.
I have to say, this account might be the best that I have ever read.
I think, at some point in my life, I would like to go to one of the ridiculous awards shows and just people watch. I have a feeling it would be excellent material for some creative non-fiction.
Not to mention I might get to see Meryl… or Carrie? That would be lovely…
Haha.
Well done.
Oh!
And I so very excited to hear that “The Best Awful” is getting turned into something.
I loved that book.
As a typical 9-5er out here in the wild, wild west, with serious lack-of-star-studded-amigos status, I have to tell you how refreshing it is to read about all the Oscar hoo-ha (and actually, everything else you write about) through your eyes -instead of through a People Magazine (and Todd is right about that!)! Maybe it’s that we share the same birthday (okay, I’m exactly a year older….dammit) — but your twisted wit and observations have always entertained and intrigued me. SO happy to have found your blog…..I look forward to it every day. Chow! (<—dog-speak)
The idea of packing into one of these Hollywood parties is definitely not something I envy you. Sounds like a lot of work! I COULD go for one of those gates, though– I don’t think anyone wants in my driveway too badly, but it sure would look cool.
Yeh I agree.I Love your blogs I look forward to them. ps when u feel alone and unloved REMEMBER you have a wonderfull and caring brother I wish my three brothers were like him you have a gem there . Keep them coming .Emma from oz.
I wondered when an Oscar night comment would be online…and here it is! Thank you.
What is up with the picture of Tom? He’s determined to show us his whole…area.
It’s always struck me as odd that stars are prone to being starstruck. Kind of like members of discriminated-against minorities who…discriminate against other minorities! Just another of those weird psychological quirks of humanity that make us all so delightfully unpredictable.
Thank you for interesting post… Good to know that Meg Ryan is feeling good and happy
I still think she would be the best candidate to play the aviatrix Amelia Earhart in a biopic!!!
aw! alone and uncared for? where are those stalkers when you need them??? (i kid!!!) I think its incredibly cool that you have a camera for your gate. I think Jack Osbourne used to turn the sprinklers on undesirables who hung around his family’s gate. that might be fun.
do you get those Starline tour buses? those are the worst. i took my mom on one years ago. and it was fascinating to see where the old stars lived, like Agnes Moorehead and Lucille Ball. But then we’d get to a place like the Osbournes’ house, and the tour guide would actually PARK the bus. why? is the house going to do a trick? is Ozzy going to
come out and do a show? they drive around my neighborhood a lot, although only to illustrate how celebs like Ben Affleck and Johnny Depp lived BEFORE they were famous. :-/
I am incredibly excited for a Best Awful film. (That would make a phenomenal award title, BTW – “The Best Awful film of 2008 is……”) Although I have to gush over Surrender The Pink. Is it possible to marry a book? If so, I’d happily spend eternity with Surrender.
Hmm, a party, is a party, don’t pass them up! Unless you got something better plan. Spying on ones neighbors with your security camera is good but defiantly should be secondary to paarrtying with them!
As for “hurt,” I would strongly suggest a better guest for your guesthouse. I would throw his friendship ring aside and pretend he does not exist.
Your bro is right, much better then People Magazine—we all await your Oscar night scoop.
Academy Awards, Oscars, I love it all, and can’t get enough. Your viewpoint is cool, though, because you don’t have to kiss anybody’s ass or promote some god awful movie or designer.
So Carrie, you have been portrayed by Meryl Streep with Shirley MacLaine playing your mom. You have been fictionally wooed by Patrick Dempsey (nice!), in an affair with Tom Hanks (odd), a casting couch lothariatrice (?) in Soapdish, on-screen pals with Phoebe Cates and Meg Ryan, and cinematic bitch Doctor sister to Scott (Hot) Bakula. It seems like you always have a gig between rehab stints and you are underappreciated, in my opinion.
I never think of you as that chick from Star Wars (primarily because I hate the movie and only saw it when I was a baby in the theaters because they dragged me). You’ll always be a comedienne, author, actress, and Film Royalty. Pretty much, up there with The Bridges Brothers and Michael Douglas. You kick ass, are seriously funny, and just cool.
Luv ya!
p.s. – Kate Winslet earned it and she rules!! Best Actress of this generation.
p.p.s – Will they ever release SWEET REVENGE on DVD? It was a great movie. =)
Oh, look at that. Last weekend was ~Carnival~ week(end) in Brazil and people still managed to talk about Madonna and Jesus – the unholly version.
… Think of it, the Oscars and Carnival seem to have a lot in common.
I feel funny, perhaps, that the google alert that ALERTED me to your blog is an alert I set up to notify me of ‘madonna news.’ I still vividly remember the Rollingstone interview between the two of you– perhaps one of the finest, weirdest, and all around best interviews I’ve ever read.
In any case, I love your work (your words!) — this post was fantastic and I’ll be reading regularly in the future.
xoxo
First Ericka, I find it absolutely charming that the Osbourne family would consider anybody an “undesirable.” Who exactly would make that list? Ward and June Cleaver?
I’m just glad to know that you really read the posts on here. That makes me feel appreciated and cared for. Thank you for that!
Hugs,
Rev G
I have to agree with your brother that your coverage of the oscars is better than People!
haha moving up in the world!
The oscars were great this year weren’t they? they new design was betr i thought…
i was very disappointed Meryl Streep lost howeer Kate Winslet did deserve the award….
great writing keep it up!
LOL, Second Ericka @ the Osbournes comment. People used to hang out at their gate. very weird!!!!!
and um, I must agree with Vee. Sweet Revenge is one of my favorites. I managed to get it on VHS and watch it on occasion. It makes me happy.
ok, I feel like I’m turning this into a message board. I’ll stop now!
Ericka The First
LOL, Second Ericka @ the Osbournes comment. People used to hang out at their gate. very weird!!!!!
and um, I must agree with Vee. Sweet Revenge is one of my favorites. I managed to get it on VHS and watch it on occasion. It makes me happy.
ok, I feel like I’m turning this into a message board. I’ll stop now!
Ericka The First
I’m also really glad to hear The Best Awful will be a movie & that you wrote the screenplay. Movies are always better if the author adapts it…it sticks with the book better & stuff doesn’t get left out. Awesome news. I look forward to it.
LOLOLOLOL
AND YES.
Oscar season is one of my favorite times of the year. Needless to say I have never before had an ‘insider’s’ perspective.
Your unique take on the whole mystique of Hollywood thrills me. Thanks for sharing, Carrie…
Wow too bad the Furstenburg party was during the day, I would have so wanted to be your date! You and Diane have to be at the top of my all time fantasy list!
I love the sincerity you bring to this Forum Carrie regarding celebrities. My Fiance’ is an aboslute TMZ junkie, and while I most certainly respect the thespian arts and myself went no farther than a stage tech in my highschool drama club, i just don’t see it. Perhaps I’m jaded, as I live a fairly ordinary life as a firefighter and see the other side of life where life doesn’t care how hip, cool and “in” you are, but bad shit still happens to you. My Fiance’ thinks that all celebrities have a secret club, handshake and de-coder ring and a language of thier very own, but I have to chuckle when I get to see them through your eyes, as there is not as much clubbiness there as she would think. Perhaps that is why I appreciate your readings on these situations as while you are a huge celeb you are very much grounded. It’s refreshing to see that our Silver Screen Icons are just as strange, twisted and clique prone as the rest of us~!
Carrie, this is why I come back to your blog. There is something that is so amazing about your candor. There are tons of celebrities goign to these things…because they don’t know ho to not go. You however have the self-respect to stay home, and o tell people you did it.
“I wrote to someone that I was no stranger to hurt. In fact, it stayed in my guesthouse when it was in town and we had also exchanged friendship rings!”
Ahh, see Hurt usually crashes out on my couch and sometimes feeds the cats, eats my salad mix and only leaves me the poptarts…
Carrie, I hope this is just a temporary pause and you’ll continue with this unique and insightful blog! Can’t wait. Best wishes+
I love you Carrie. The blog on Madonna, I thought you 2 were friends. I would love to see you in your one woman play in NYC. cas I live in New Jersey and can’t come to LA.
I just finished Wishful Drinking and I have an adult son with Bipolar and although I have read many clinical books regarding it I never fully understood the feelings inside when faced with this disease. I laughed out loud but more than that found great comfort in your story. I think you are brilliant and more than that you are a warm and feeling person as you have been told before.