behind my back
By Carrie • Sep 21st, 2009 • Category: NewsPeople come to the show expecting to see Carrie Fisher…..if only we could agree about who she actually is…..then we’d all know who it was that turned up on stage admitting & declaring things left & right! Things that become less true as soon as she says them…..Especially when she makes fun of these things—–which is most of the time……why, they’re just stories then—–which is—–no doubt—-partly what she intends. Another way of looking at it is that she’s just bragging——look what weak things I can tell u in a strong voice! Can YOU do that??! I HOPE so! That’s partly why Carrie does it! As a blueprint for you to follow so you can do it too! But she’s not as altruistic as all that. Why, down deep, (which isn’t very far) she’s a real show off! Not only that, she wants you to like her! A Lot! Even LOVE her! And she’ll do anything to achieve that goal! She’ll tell people the most outlandish, even otherwise personal things! She tries to only admit things about herself——-but because she’s lived her life (sometimes inadvertently) among people—-every so often someone else gets hauled into one of her stories & embarrassed half to death…..not that she doesn’t try to avoid that by getting everyone’s permission to appear by her thorny side—-but she realizes that sometimes people don’t admit to things out of pride—–or something similar…….so it’s difficult to avoid the occasional almost inadvertent embarrassment.
She hopes people like her show, cause if they don’t, they kinda don’t like her. I say, “kinda”, cause no one can put themselves into words without leaving SOME of themselves out. The one part they have to leave out necessarily is the part that observes the things she tells you. A safe little “I” that always watches, always keeps a not always so safe distance, so she can tell on herself later. She can impress you with her ability to know herself, & in knowing, reveal. The unexamined life might not be worth living, but the over examined life can be a little awkward to exist with —— that’s why I portray the life I’m not always thrilled to live onstage…… my life seems to be a balance of what I’ve heard someone describe as between “privilege & ordeal”…..
Overall though, Carrie Fisher means well. She wouldn’t want to hurt anyone—–& that almost always includes herself. Though occasionally accidents do happen…..en route to the oblivion she’s been caught trying to arrange for herself by mixing concoctions that could end up actually endangering her life. But she swears she isn’t trying to kill herself…..just un- live little parts of her life…..a goal she sometimes accidentally overshoots, to be sure. But she PROMISES it’s an accident——she wants to blur, not blot out…..
I wouldn’t want to blot myself out——Carrie Fisher wouldn’t either——-because of her daughter, Billie. But not only because. A little bit because of herself—–whoever that is—–and because of her friends and family too. That would be an awful thing to leave them with. So she stays. She outlives herself and goes on and on and on——taking credit for the shit Carrie Fisher does. At times. And sometimes she tries to convince you that she’s not really herself. That is—-the person onstage—-even the one off. She exists between the two. A blur between them. A Blur but not a Blot. A well intended eccentric. Keeping herself at arms length from her emotional world as best she can. Which isn’t always great. Wishing so much to keep herself detached. The one thing she can’t do. She AND Carrie Fisher. None of her can keep detached——–consistently gets hurt, even though she tries to put herself in words to stay safe and out of the way of that pain that comes with being human. A human with a head. And not a half hearted human at that, but whole hearted—–a heart riddled with holes.
Riddle me this then……..if I’m not Carrie Fisher, whose keeping herself rested so she can portray Carrie Fisher at nite on the stage of Studio 54? We have an arrangement, Carrie and I…….I’ll take care of her if she’ll do a good impression of me onstage.
xoxxoCF
Carrie, Keep on keeping on. I’ve seen your show, read your book and been a fan of you and all your work for years. People can either accept you as you are, or not. At the end of the day however I think you will find that the number of people out there whom adore you far exceed the nay-sayers. Your experiences and your words are your beauty.
If you weren’t Carrie Fisher who would you be? I agree with Timothy, you’ll find those who adore you out number the nay-sayers, if we didn’t adore you we wouldn’t be hanging around this corner of the web.
You are exceptionally beautiful, inside and out and have a wisdom and insight that others can only dream of. Life is never static. We love, we laugh, we hurt and we cry. We embarrass and we become embarrassed. We never get too old to learn something new or feel humbled or humiliated. Continue watching out for yourself. You are appreciated for who you are, flaws and all. You are human. You are real and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Putting difficult ideas into words. Nice articulation!
“Who is he? Who was he? Who does he hope to be?” – The Boys In The Band
Very nicely put. I understand…to a degree. I mean, I could never relate to the experience of talking about myself on stage or of being in the public eye, but there are definitely different aspects of myself that unconsciously take over at different times. There is “work Bruce” which is vastly different from “visit with parents Bruce”. I suppose I am most “myself” at home or with my close friends.
“People come to the show expecting to see Carrie Fisher…..if only we could agree about who she actually is”. Well, everyone has a certain perception of who they think you are, and none of them would be correct, because only you can know that.
My perception of “who you are” would, again, be more vaguely descriptive: AWESOME!
Carrie,
I saw your show on a whim when I was on “vacation” out in Seattle back in April. (see the website to make sense of why if you would like) Let me just say seeing your show was BY FAR the best decision made on the entire trip. You are brilliant, hilarious and overall just a great person. I say F. the nay-sayers who needs em?
Also WELCOME to New York!! I will definitely be back to see the show again now that you are here.
All the Best and have a great first preview tomorrow!
Jen
Stories with blurry lines are the best stories. And if you can’t declare on a stage, where in the hell can you do it? The Carrie Fisher who appears is always the real Carrie Fisher. She’s got moxie they haven’t invented anywhere else.
Say it proud, Carrie, or the rest of us won’t have the faintest clue what the hell we’re doing. We need you to declare. Or maybe it’s just me. I need you to declare.
Carrie,
Your life is YOUR life and your story is YOUR story. People can say what they will but they can never change that. I am guessing it takes a HUGE amount of COURAGE to stand in front of an audience and share your life’s story (the good, the bad and the ugly).I know I don’t have the guts to do it and most likely, most of the people who criticise you don’t have the courage to, either. I have been a fan for a long time and I have read most of your books. If I have learned anything at all about you, it is that you love your family and you are protective of the people you care about. If I thought you told your stories to hurt others then I wouldn’t continue to be a fan. I totally GET what you do. The stories you share are not vicious and hurtful. Lets face it, if people were not very interested, they wouldn’t pay to see you and hear what you have to say. You will never please all of the people all of the time. It is like I tell my teenage daughter, there is always going to be some asshole in the crowd. Just look over their heads and you will see plenty of smiling faces who are there because they love you.
I’ve never figured out quite how to say it…but since you have figured out how to say this, yes. I do follow your blueprint. So that I can do it too.
xoxxo
Remember for each cretinous asshole out there you have an adoring fan and we love both of you.
Hey Carrie — Your Mormon typist was around during the dark days — since then you’ve been really working it AND successfully, too. I’m proud of you, your accomplishments and your, DARE I SAY, “Unsinkable Molly Brown” attitude. Grandma Sparkle did good and Billie is your delicious legacy. Wish you only the best in NY for this run. F*ck ‘em if they can’t take a joke, eh?
You are an amazing woman, Carrie.
II’ve seen you in most of your movies ..read all of your books..and alwasy thought what a smart, sweet funny kid you are..but I don’t know you…like many people I probably think I do…but you dont’ want us to really know you..how scary would that be?…sigh*…I find it hard to understand why you total strangers to like or love you is beyong me..but then..I’m not you, haven’t had your expiernces..I guess I have lived my entire life not giving a fuck and like to live by my creedo, of , if you beat around the bush?…all you get is a beat up bush…
Who’s Writing This indeed!
I’ll make you a deal – I’ll give you a lesson in a little detachment (not a lot, just enough) – and you teach me how to allow some things that can hurt into my world.
And I don’t think you need Gertrude Stein. You seem to be doing a good job all on your own. What was it she said about little dogs and identities and entities?
xo,
Ericka
Carrie,
At the risk of repeating myself (yes, i’m repeating myself):
I just love you! And Carrie Fisher…
Blessings,
G
Carrie, I think you’re fantastic – you’re talented and funny and candid and that takes a lot of guts. Good luck with your show (I hope one day to see it!)!
Does anybody really know who they are?…No I think not..We are different things to different people
Do we occasionally catch ourselves watching in the third person whilst interacting with people..Yes (constantly)
Maybe feeling like we are in a detached/third person situation is a way of protecting ourselves from possible hurt or rejection.
If we are not fully involved in the situation at hand then we won’t feel the full force if it all turns to shit.
PS Maybe you should have titled your blog ‘the united states of carrie’
I’m glad you’re on twitter now
I’m so glad to have found your blog. I’ve loved all your novels and am such a fan of the way you write. Your humour and insight always blows me away. This blog is great as it’s good to see such an interesting and inteligent person suffering from the same insecurities as the rest of us, weight, acceptance etc. I really enjoyed reading Wishful drinking and just hope that someday the show can make it over here to London!
Hope you bring the show to Dallas eventually. I also hope people have the good manners not to surreptitiously record the performance on their phones and upload it to YouTube – your producers can promote the show better with an authorized collection of clips that look and sound better than these Flip camera amateur productions.
Excellent words, Carrie (s). I have the same thing going on (perhaps most people do, I dunno). That little voice in the (sometimes very distant) background saying ‘yeah, I’m watching you. It’s all being stored right here, this is what you’re doing” and sometimes you consult it but a lot of the time it’s just a running commentary going on.
I think you’re excellent, so that’s another vote.
I’m learning to express some of my “weak things” in a strong voice…even if my voice shakes a little when I do so. Thanks for the example, Carrie Fisher.
Oh, and CF, keep taking good care of her.
The beauty of how people perceive us and how we perceive ourselves is that it’s almost always a blur of the reality, a fuzzy representation of the True. But the more honest we are, the less we cover and conceal and the more we open ourselves to the world, the clearer the picture gets. Perfect focus is almost impossible, but that never prevents us from trying. For my part, the sharper your image becomes, Carrie, the more I know I need to see, but the more I like.
Carrie,
Thanks for keeping it real. I think each of us is a whole lot of different “me’s” There is the me that goes to work, the me that spends time with friends, the me that goes to school. Sometimes these “me’s” have to meet in the same place and that’s always good for a laugh or two. Having coffee with two “me’s” and another person is always like juggling kittens and chainsaws at the same time. Sure it’s entertaining and fun. Sure it’s interesting and exciting, but at some point you know that somebody is going to end up cleaning up the mess.
Then there is the secret “me” that is tasked with keeping order among all the other ones. That’s the me that realizes that who he is at 10:44 AM may not be the same person I am at 10:45 AM. Something is different, time has marched on, a few of my cells have died and a few new ones have popped in to join the party. I am not the same “me” I was a moment ago. For me, I am learning that instead of sitting on the bank of the river and watching the “me’s” float by I am better off jumping in the river and heading downstream with them. There may be a waterfall at the end of the trip, but at least I will be fascinated by the company as I go over the edge.
Takes so much energy to exist! To get from the bed to the backstage in the microwave bombardment of sensations that is Manhattan.
A bubble should not get too close to a porcupine.
Being a human being, not a human doing, as it is said. Takes courage.
And why should you identify with the identity (or construct) you made into an art work the year before yesterday? An epiphany may illumine you en route to a certainty you’ve already outgrown…..I think Gertrude said of somewhere else or other that there was “no there there”.
That you are more than the sanity you achieve, the diagnosis you are given, the treatments you receive, the memories that don’t obliterate easily/at all, the flaws and the accomplishments. Ordained somehow to live, to return, to review, to redeem others and in so doing to experience more blowback in gratitude & ongoing growth, (owwwwwwwwwwwww!), more healing (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!)
“Gabriel Marcel says that the artist who labors to produce effects for which he is well-known is unfaithful to himself. This may seem obvious enough when it is badly stated: but how differently we act. We are all too ready to believe that the self we have created out of our more or less inauthentic efforts to be real in the eyes of others is a “real self”. We even take it for our identity. Fidelity to such a nonidentity is, of course, infidelity to our real person, which is hidden in mystery. Who will you find that has enough faith and self-respect to attend to this mystery and to begin by accepting himself as unknown? God help the man who thinks he knows all about himself.”
- Thomas Merton in “Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander”
thank for the soapbox, Little Red …. and for sharing your brokenness with us, your peeps, the broken….
between going bad and hatching……um…….I think I’ll try hatching.
kudos, ongoing
Dear Ms. Fisher,
This weekend I attended a horrible wedding in Lake Tahoe where almost no one in my family was talking to me. I was being studiously ignored because I had dared to tell one of my aunts that her lecherous husband tried to grope me at Disneyland. The only thing that got me through was repeating what you said about the shortest way to say the Serenity Prayer. I of course loved you as Princess Leia, but it has only since you energed as a writer that you have become a real hero of mine. Thanks, and don’t let the assholes get to you.
I want to write the perfect amalgamation of words in the this little response, but I know I won’t be able to do that. And I know whatever I write won’t be as significant as I could ever want it to be – or what you deserve, but… I did need to tell you that whatever you have to say, or shout, or scream, or think – there are those of us who want to hear it and read it and absorb it. Truly. I relish reading your blog – it’s not always comfortable (particularly when you are unhappy), but you have such a gift with language and it’s treat to read whatever you share here.
Remember there are so many of us thankful you are a whole hearted human – it’s why we love you.
Breakl a Leg! Oh Hell, Break Two!
Hi Carrie,
It fills me with immense joy to see you regularly updating your blog. Your words truly are music to my ears. I have been a huge fan of yours ever since I read Postcards for the first time at the tender age of 15.
I met you in London a couple of years ago very briefly, though I was too open mouthed with awe to tell you what an inspiration you are to me. Reading your work encouraged and motivated me to write myself. I am in the early stages of a sitcom script here in London. Every day that I write I say a quick prayer that it will be a millionth as good as your work.
O.k, Enough hero worship I think for now. Glad to see you are on twitter. I swore I wouldn’t go on there, but if you are, then it’s got to be worth a look.
Love
Daniel
London, U.K
sending this to blog instead of twitter. i am crossing my fingers, legs, heads, and personalities for you. but you won’t need it. you will be fantastic.
i’ll be thinking of you.
xoxoxoxo,
Ericka
It’s going to take me a minute to wrap my head around the fact you have a BLOG.
Why did no one tell me about this?
And now I’ve made this comment all about me. GOD.
I really wish I could see your show, but I’m nowhere near where it’s going to be. But I’ve seen clips of it on YouTube, and it looks hilarious!
geeze I wish I could express myself so well. Only thing is even if I could I don’t think I can put it all in a book. Books are for people who have a lot to say.
I think by the time I got half way through saying what I want to say I would fall over. As some one remarked “stick to the floor”.
I am glad you have not burned yourself out. There is always a danger of doing that if you suffer emotional highs and lows. I am in the low state right now…as I was out for the count all day.
It happens once and a while, and it is awfully hard to get used to. Its like someone shouting at you “remember…you have your limitations”.
Somehow though you keep on going, and don’t really slow down. If we weren’t who we are…then who would we be? Paper doll people who live formulaic lives that don’t have that much meaning to others….right?
Carrie (or whoever you feel like right now!), to echo others, keep on keepin’ on. Your blueprint works — on the lows it doesn’t always feel like it, but who gives a shit, the rest of the time it’s all golden eggs!!
I guess one of the words you exemplify might be “courage” and that’s a pretty loveable trait — think of the legends of old — all the ladies are looking for courageous characters — for what it’s worth if you were a man I’d be all over that!! (alas, you’re not and I don’t go that way…)
Don’t stop shouting your story from the rooftops. The minute you hide it all away is the moment you become my knight in shining armoire…. and you don’t want that on your shoulders, too. I’m high maintenance
I wasn’t going to come out here today…I’d made other excuses.
“It’s my husband’s birthday” It is.
“I have ten loads of laundry to do.” I do. I have a toddler and teenagers therefore laundry happens. Especially when I can’t trust either one of them to not kill my new machines.
“I need to sort out and prepare what I’m going to say when I talk to Congresswoman Cathy McMorris Rodgers on a conference all tomorrow about Health Care Reform so that I don’t sound like a total douche like I did on yesterdays conference all with Senator Amy Klobuchar.” I’m still working on that one.
“I need to write…”
And that’s where I got stuck. I do need to write. But a lot of times I need to remind myself that there is value in my writing but BEFORE I do that I usually have to give myself, or get someone else, to kick my ass.
Coming here lately seems to do that. I’m learning to listen to others in order to regain myself and take back my power and my voice. Something about your “voice” inspires me to reach down deep and pull mine own up.
Thank you for that.
Take good care of you!
Oh and just to clarify before someone calls CPS on the mommy blogger. I do NOT make my toddler do the laundry. Are you kidding me? She can’t reach the buttons. We’ve still got her on spit and shine duty until we can trust her to operate the washer and dryer without getting herself, or the cats, stuck in them.
I’m kidding. I think.
Carrie (both of you), you have a amazingly fantastic way with words.
Blurs are awesome, especially more awesome than straight lines. Straight lines are boring as fuck. But blurs can morph and be seen different ways and are, in general, much more “real”istic than lines.
I just checked out “Wishful Drinking” from my local library. I enjoyed it so much I read it in two days. When I checked it out, the spine was cracked. So when I turned it in, I told the librarian, “Ms. Fisher is broken; do you think you could fix her?”
Your brother Todd is intriguing. he should write a book too. Does he have a website?
and you are the person who is telling us about these people. mirrors looking into mirrors. always another carefully crafted aspect of personality to *reveal* but wondering where is the person who will finally not be watching or commenting but just there. i’m not saying thats you cos obvs it’s me but i really feel like you speak to it. this sounds a little crazy. heyho!
Wow! What a privilege to read Carrie Fucking Fisher’s daily thoughts. I just found this blog but I’m bookmarking the shit out of it.
Can I be your friend?
Okay, sorry. That sounded a lot less creepy in my head. I just find you amazing and beautiful, and always an inspiration, especially when you’re admitting that you’re less than perfect. Stay awesome for me, okay?
Dearest Carrie~
Wishful Drinking is a therapeutic cathartic raucous romp! (too many adjectives???) In other words my talented beautiful soul I think you, your book, & your show are just smashing! You’ve inspired me and my alter ego, Miz Kitty Davis to return to the stage……… I wish there were a Carrie Fisher channel & Elaine Stritch channel or better yet a Shirley Maclaine button on our remotes in which we could just “channel” either one of you………. Anyway………… recommending your book to everyone I know & see…………posting a link on my facebook page for your broadway dates. Carrie much peace and much love……….good vibes & lots of smashing reviews being sent your way …… Russell Jackson/ Kitty Davis
Whoever you decide to be know that your fans love you. Unlike many who try to pretend that they are normal or that their lives are perfect to revel in the inperfections and they draw people to you. You are talented and smart and what may have been a drawback into a successful career. I really wish you would bring your show to the UK because I would watch it a hundred times.
once again you hit the nail on the head with a teeny tiny hammer… why is it that people think you can only have one emotion the whole time? i’d be grateful to have just one emotion AT a time, let alone keep it for long!
just to say you don’t have to want people to like you – we’ll do that anyway… just saw that last craig fergason interview you did (yeah, i know i’m behind…what can i say i live in the UK and we dont get stuff like that over here… ) still trying to figure out why everything you say cracks me up so much! also have no clue how you manage to be so hilariously funny while at the same time being so honest about stuff which is not always that funny…until it’s you saying it!
probably going off the point….actually dont remember what my point was going to be, so i’ll just say hope the rehearsal / preview the other night went well and have been driving everyone at work nuts going on about the fact that i’m going to see the show!! (and it’s not till november!)
hope you’re ok, but figuring you’re going to be soon even if you’re not right this second…
sarah
I only recently discovered this, due to the Perez plug (I guess he can do good as well as evil) and of course think you’re awesome, I always have. But I am surprised that someone so awesome still needs to respond to ridiculous critics. Don’t you know you can ignore them?
But, being human myself, I know that you can’t. I just wish you could, Carrie.
As for people who have criticized you for committing the sin of growing old, to me you belong to a very, very small class of women for whom age doesn’t really matter. It takes a special combination of intelligence, poise and natural, unstoppable sexiness. Members of this club, besides you, include (among others) Kyra Sedgwick, Sigourney Weaver, Helen Mirren, Glenn Close and Meryl Streep. If someone thinks you can’t be sexy after 40, look at Kyra. If someone claims a woman after 60 couldn’t possibly be attractive, look at Helen.
You, Carrie, have such an undeniable appeal. It of course comes partly from your good looks, but your incredible sense of humor, intelligence and very refreshing honesty also contribute greatly to this allure. You’re really a very lucky woman. A skinny 20 year old with a cardboard personality and big boobs can never have that kind of appeal, and here you have had it for decades.
Everytime I read one of your blogs, I think why didn’t your tour come to Philadelphia!! I would absolutley love to come to your show. For now I am resigned to reading all the awesome books that you have written on Ebay. I hope that I can find time to get to see the New York show before the run is over.
Hi Carrie,
I just discovered this blog, and have read almost all the entries in one sittling because they’re so fascinating. Really good stuff — alive, brash, brilliant, humane, pragmatic, and surreal all rolled into an organic whole. I’d love to hear what you have to say about another celebrity’s child who became a celebrity herself, Mackenzie Phillips: What do you think of her new memoir, incest confession, drug usage, sense as a mother, and finally, her family’s reaction?
Best,
Carrie
My daughter, Oakley Boycott is a recent graduate of American Musical and Dramatic Academy located behind Lincoln Center. Yesterday, and for the next several days, she can be seen in Times Square, dressed as Princess Leia and wearing a sandwich board that promotes “Wishful Drinking”. As part of her “research” for wearing the sandwich board, she was given (2) tickets to your first performance a few night ago..She loved your work…and the standing ovation….
Could you drop by and say hello to her?
I live in Lander Wyoming and will travel to NYC in mid Oct…I look forward to “Wishful Drinking”!
I’m hoping to get this message to CF on behalf of my dear friend Susie. Your mothers were friends and the two of you were very close in childhood. She ran into your mother in Bellingham, WA and asked how to reach you but it was stage time and the conversation was never finished. Later Susie came across your book at a strangely significant time. If you do remember her, as I feel you probably do, and are willing to reunite – even if only by email, please contact me back at my email address so I can provide you her contact information.
Sincerely,
Shannon
Carrie –
I swear, “Wishful Drinking” is like my Bible – you’re such a f*cking awesome storyteller! I was pretty stoked to find you in the blogosphere and I can’t wait to see your show live!
Best wishes!
Always look forward to reading your words. Your story telling ability is the seventh wonder of the world as far as I’m concerned. Thank you for keeping it real and being the Carrie Fisher you are.
so I’m reading your book & practically peeing my pants (actually that’s not hard to do after having 3 c-sections…so maybe not the best analogy). Anyway…I’m huddled in the corner of my son’s football game, surrounded by a bunch of screaming, angry parents reading your book “Wishful Drinking”. You write like you speak…which is staccato & hilarious. And at the same time i’m comforted by the blanket of dysfunction you weave in your tapestry of witty words/stories. i too come from an interesting & colorful family…also frosted with bipolar & with a dash of depression & shake of addiction. kudos for sharing & providing us (those who don’t come from the ‘average family’) with a sense of belonging. oh, & tickling the funny bone. i hope i can get to your performance in nyc. looks like a night to remember…
I was at the show tonight – I think it went really well, despite the guy snoring upstairs. Or maybe it was because of your reaction to him. I think you made Ethan’s year. He said he’s going to frame your gift to him.
Thanks for a really fun evening.
I read your books and your blogs and watch you being interviewed because you are smart, funny, witty, intelligent. I would read the same things you write ( not less, not more) if you weighed less or more. I couldn’t believe ( well, I could, but, you know) people got so worked up about your weight. You are a living female human being; it happens.
But it is funny and depressing and even sort of tragic that people can get bent out of shape about someone elses ( else’s ?) weight, and lecture that person. Where did these skinny police come from? And why do they think their opinions are so damn important and fascinating? They aren’t smart, funny, witty, or intelligent. I certainly would not be willing to buy their books. They are tiresome – perhaps they only know how to judge and insult, but not how to think or be creative.
the over examined life can be awkward…i like that line.
well, i hope you survive your show with a minimal amount of awkwardness and exhaustion.
How does one contact you? Agent, through the theatre?
Just bought the book, read it yesturday and honey you are so right on about so many things. If I weren’t just a little insane I don’t think I could do my job and deal with my patient base (I’m a pharmacist in a ghetto retail pharmacy in Upstate NY), and my mother was born in the 1910’s when you just didn’t speak about mood disorders. She spent 6 months at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota in the 30’s and could still find her way around the buildings when we visited in the mid 60’s. I spend every day looking over my shoulder wondering if I will turn into her. Haven’t yet at 62 so I guess there is hope. My brother also watches because he is closer to her emotional make-up. The problem most persons have dealing with truth is that it forces them to look at themselves and judge. This is not comfortable so they judge others instead which is nicer and does not require them to change.
On a lighter note: The bra-thing. If boobs expand in space and bras don’t (mine has elastic and little hooks and eyes on the strap) then men must have expandable parts as well. So were all the cod-pieces of the storm troopers fitted on land and then didn’t fit anymore in space and that is why they ran funny? ‘Cause it hurt? George just needs to admit what his real purpose was because the gaffers tape sure didn’t support anything,
THANK YOU 101
I was a the show on Friday night Sept 25 and just had to take the time to say thank you from the bottom of my heart…..my daughter Jessica and I came to see the show, she is a wanna be actress and I am her cheerleader in life…..we are a family that has bee through a lot but always tries to find the funny side of the craziness…..your honesty in sharing your life and your talent in doing so, verified to my daughter it is OK to laugh, you see, my sister is bi-polar and my family has been working through this sudden change in her life over the past several years and then just when it seemed her medication was adjusted and she was doing well, I was diagniosed with a rare disorder called atypical trigiminal neuralgia which call the most painful disease know to man…..it is sometimes difficult to find the humor when you mom is laying on the floor in pain praying to God to take her life……but some how I usually do, I just have a hard time making other laugh about it……it is all about location, location, location as you say…….my daughter understood that after seeing your show, diatance helps you find the humor in any event and laughing is always better than crying……..and I can express to you how greatful I am for that gift you have given us…..
Also I would like to apologize for a few of my fellow New Yorks…….#1 the snoring man…..what was he thinking…..if I would have know who he was I would have sent him out after the first out burst and #2 Mort, you were so very kind to him, giving him a drink coupon and he still was not a happy camper…….but the rest of the house loved the show….I for one was the first on my feet to give you a standing “O”
Lastly, let me say you are a beautiful women both inside and out…..you have a gift to make people laugh…..I wish you and your daughter many wonderful nights of laughter…….and I wish you a most Happy Birthday later in the month…….
Patt and Jessica Hanson
Hollywood and the media machine have been manipulating “stars” and “fans” for a century. They tell the mass who to like. They tell the individual who likes them and why. They separate us all into categories and groups. But the jig is up now and we are all starting to make our own decisions. This strikes terror at the heart of the machine. These “observers” are as much victims of the system as you are as Carrie Fisher. It’s all about keeping everyone in low self-esteem. It is all trauma based mind-control. The sites in our minds holding the trauma continually reactivate and draw us like a vacuum into the places where the trauma makes sense. I am not good enough. Once this illusion breaks up, its power is completely eliminated. Ignoring the negativity will become effortless. Negativity is essential to the forces on this planet that seek to keep is incapacitated as a species. We are waking up.
Carrie Dear- I just think you’re marvelous, and an inspiration. You OWN yourself.
XX, Gay
carrie you fantastic
Yay! I found your blog!!!
I absolutely love reading what you have to say.
Rock on.
This is my new favorite website
I love you Carrie Fisher. My sister gave me your book Postcards from the Edge shortly after I became sober. The humor in that book carried me through many a hard day. Especially in AA, when none of the women would sponsor me because my “sober” dad was macking on every single one of them. Ah, dads, they are fun!
Best of luck with your show, which sounds like it is wildly successful! I hope to see your show.
I just found out you have a blog from gawker…it’s great .. never ever give up writing!
Dear Carrie,
Sometimes I feel like I’m just living in my head floating above my body that has the thankless task of carting my cerebral cortex around and if it weren’t for the fact that I bump into something once in a while I would feel as if I’m hardly here at all.
Existing can be such a lonely, painfully personal journey.
I hope you are taking good care of Carrie…
((HUGS)),
Angelina
There wouldn’t be names for so many colors if shades weren’t so important. We are all so many things at once, but not everyone can see all the shades, nor would we want them to. thanks for the post. Enlighting.
I’m a big fan. Saw your show in DC. Thought it was terrific.
[...] Carrie Fisher Blogs! Published September 29, 2009 Favorite Awesome Thing , Live Comedy , Mysteries of Life Leave a Comment Tags: addiction, Carrie Fisher, icons, one-woman show, Postcards from the Edge, Princess Leia, recovery, Sara Benincasa, When Harry Met Sally, Wishful Drinking And she’s great. [...]
I saw your interview on Today show…. Thank you for being you….. I wish you only the best….
Dear Carrie,
I just wanted to take a moment and say thanks for being honest. I am living a miserable life. I have everything I could ask for, material wise, yet I am so depressed, sad, feel alone and upset my husband doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I have bipolar, ADD, depression, PTSD…etc… I am 47 and began showing symptoms when I was a tween. Back then they gave you those stupid “What do you see” tests, like that really makes a difference.
My Dr., of 8 yrs, got caught doing stuff illegally, not once but 4 times, and was asked to either retire or they would take away his license. I was crushed. I had built a relationship with him and trusted him completely. Then I felt betrayed and cryed all while going through sexual harrassment problems at work, which eventually led to me leaving my job, as asst. manager, of 6 1/2 yrs, they took his side and I had to leave because of hostile working conditions.
This summer I have seen 4 Dr.s and have finally found a Dr that talked to me and asked me questions and realized I wasn’t being treated for Bipolar. I feel fantastic at times but its not all the time and in those times is when i feel like I have to be quiet, my husband is getting tired of my condition. I have no one to talk to and feel all alone. I am the oldest female in my family, all aunts, parents, grandparents etc, gone. I have no one to ask if anyone had this.
I know I am not alone but not knowing anyone with it makes it hard to relate to some people.
Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. God Bless.
Carrie, Please consider hiring a stylist to dress you. You can be heavy and not look like a whale. Have some self respect! Lydia
Carrie,
This is my first foray into your blog–
In respons to “Behind My Back,” let me say, in case you don’t know, that what you describe is a universal expereince no matter celebrity presence or not. We all feel fraudulent, to some degree–or perhaps you wouldn’t call it fraudulent…I would, but maybe you wouldn’t…?
Anyway, as a reference point, if I were you, I think I would want to know how normal I am–at least in this. I think you clarify, because it’s so concrete, the nature of the performance as a relationship. “I must take care of X for X to work right.” Dualistic thinking is usually not my tendency, but in this case I think it may be useful.
Thanks for opening up your life and problems for everyone to see. It helps many people get started on the way to their own recovery.
I’ll be at your show tomorrow night – can hardly wait.
ps – Patsy’s Italian Restaurant misses you
Dear Ms. Fisher,
I read with interest your most recent blog. It occurs to me (and consciously to you) that you are deeply concerned that your New York show is financially, professioanlly, and most importantly personally successful. A great deal is riding on this show for you and for the many, many people behind the scenes. I would be scared to death to attempt to do what you are doing and salute you in your efforts.
Your ideation it occurs to me is your fear of change. Change is inevitable and not always pleasant. The unselfishness you show towards your loved ones by not carrying out your ideation is a testament to your good character. Whether your show is a success or a failure isn’t nearly as important as you might fear. The sun will rise tomorrow; the moon will set tonight. Its okay to fail as well as it is okay to be a success. Both are learning experiences. I don’t mean to give cold comfort.
The following are cyber hugs: (((carrie))). Your identity as a human being is more than as a celebrity. More than the daughter of celebreties. Even more than the mother of a child. Our work on this planet is to be complete. Any diversion from this goal includes side-steps and back-steps. These are okay as long as we know moving forward is always a possibility.
Stay healthy! Exercise, eat right, keep a schedule, take the meds, use the skills the 12-steppers have shown you. Reach out to those you can trust. Be well!
Peace and energy,
Bill
After watching you on The Today Show, I spent several hours reading your blog. It can’t be easy dealing with those who don’t appreciate you, but I hope that it’s fulfilling to know that you really do have an impact on complete strangers. I laughed a lot throughout and the post about shopping with your daughter made me cry.
I was inspired when you said, “You can only show real courage or strength once it’s tested, and boy, do you get tested being bipolar.” I have been diagnosed as bipolar and though I am not sure I agree with that label for myself, I know I have some sort of mood disorder that makes me “not normal”. It’s easy for others to see me as weak and sometimes I think I am, too, but you reminded me today that I am not. I am strong and courageous. If I were made of lesser stuff, I would not be here. Thank you for reminding me of who I really am.
Ms. Fisher-
I had the absolute pleasure of attending “Wishful Drinking” last night, and actually ended up as your male participant.
It was such a fantastic and interesting evening I had to say thank you. You and your show are amazing and inspiring. I’m not sure about us being the number “10″ when standing next to each other, but you are most definitely a 10 all your own. Perfect exactly how you are.
Thanks again, Much Love and Respect.
-Josh
Saturday I finished Wishful Drinking. Yesterday I finished American on Purpose.
I bought your book because I happened to flip it open to your description of your father comforting Liz Taylor when Mike Todd died. I was laughing out loud in Barnes and Noble and when I read it to my wife she didn’t think it was funny. I knew I was on to something… I bought 5 books that night and yours was the only one they charged full price on. You’re welcome.
It was worth every penny. I noticed you were quoted on the back cover of Craig’s book. Cute irony.
At this point I either need a drink or rehab.
My conclusion? Craig is becoming a corporation unto himself, which isn’t all that bad. You’re still very much an individual. I value your combination of wit and intelligence. It’s a natural gift and I think that’s what people are looking for.
At some point it would be interesting to hear about the movie making process from your perspective. You’ve been in classics and know the writing process. I’d bet you have some interesting stories about scripts that weren’t fit to wrap fish in that eventually became good movies.
My last wishes: to meet the incredible, wise, and beautiful Carrie Fisher!
It is such a pleasure to see you succeed at life and with a sense of humor.
Just saw you on the View and you look totally svelte and happening. Screw the douchebag who said that crap about how you look. Also, I read the book in two hours while in line at the DMV – it got me through that ordeal I can tell you.
Hi Carrie, I’m a big fan of yours. I loved Surrender the Pink — especially the scene where she’s hiding in the closet. Your descriptions of that character’s feelings and perceptions were just uncanny and so realistic. You are a gifted writer and I love your sense of humor! Write more books and more scripts! Can’t get enough! Thank you! Linda in Manhattan Beach
Carrie, you may take comfort in knowing that you were the 4th most popular search on Yahoo! today, as of 3:30 CT. I must admit, I clicked on your name because I was worried that the recent surge in searches might have been because you met an untimely demise. I wouldn’t have been prepared for that, but I clicked anyway. Boy, was I happy to see that it was due to the opening of your Broadway show and an interview you granted where you discussed your concern over your weight-gain.
First of all, I truly wish I could see your show; the pictures look fabulous and the details sound hilarious. However, due to the fact that I have a commitment to my schooling, teaching my autistic two year-old son, and lack of finances, it’s just not in the cards to visit from Kentucky, at this time.
Secondly, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I’ve always said that my best-ever Halloween costume was the one my mother hand-sewn for me: a Princess Leia outfit. She even made a ceremonial necklace out of cardboard and aluminum foil. It was amazing! And yes, of course I had buns in my hair. I wanted to be you and for one night, as an 8 year-old, I was.
Please know that none of us are perfect and you really are beautiful. I have struggled with my weight since the age of 9. Do you know how sickening it is to hear, “…you’d be so pretty if you just lost some weight,” your entire life? At least you had a period where you could don a metal bikini and be every guys’ fantasy for the next 50 years. If I ever wore a bikini, I’d burn an image in their brains that they couldn’t rid themselves of quick enough.
Learn to love who you are. Who cares if you’re a little fluffy; you’re a gifted writer! Now that, my dear, is something you don’t get from being skinny. It is a god-given talent and you were truly blessed
I know that your production will be a huge success!
nice article about CF and her book at http://heidiseveryday.com/?p=816
Carrie,
You are BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT LET ___ _____ tell you otherwise. In the balance of things, I guess it would be easier to kick the life out of someone rather than raise them up. Well sista, prepare to BE RAISED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a blessing and a gift to us all. May the Force Be With You and I send unconditional love to you. Bridget.
Carrie,
Had the pleasure of seeing you in your show this afternoon. At dinner my husband I were sharing our thoughts about the show and I told him I could sum up my feelings about your show in one sentence: I wish this woman was my firiend.
Thank you for sharing yourself with this world for so long.
Joan Ginsberg
Just popping on to wish a VERY Beautiful Lady a Happy Birthday!!
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Happy B-Day Carrie,
We share a date and much more. Would love to interview you for my column: http://www.tastyclips.com. I think it could be magic whether over the phone or in person (I’ll be in NYC 11/4-8 to persue some other stories and just hang).
Hope to hear from you.
Bill
I know I’m taking a risk here….but I believe that the Bible is God’s word.. everything in there points to Jesus who has paid our way to heaven. Carrie, I dont know why but I have been strongly compelled to share this with you and urge you to search for God. Ask him to reveal himself to you. Read His word. I’m not telling you this thinking you will be miraculously healed or life will suddenly be easy…I’m telling you because I care. I believe in hell and I dont want anyone to have to spend eternity there for every thought and action we havnt been forgiven for.
when you have some quiet time give this a listen.
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Discover_the_Book/archives.asp?bcd=11/7/2009
Tiff
Full…of….your…self…..Carrie Fisher that is.
More often than not I do not post on websites, but I’d just like to say that this post really has compelled me to do so! Thanks for your perceptive article.
Hola carry.
Ayer vi tu biografìa en TV. Me llamo la atenciòn que tu sufres de trastornos Maniaco -Depresivo. Me gustarìa ponerme en contacto contigo porque yo estuve luchando contra esa enfermedad durante 20 años y un medico aqui en caracas-Venezuela logro dar con la cuasa del problema. Hoy gracias a dios, eso lo tengo controlado y me gustarìa compartir esa experiencia contigo para que vengas a Venezuela.
Best regards.
Luis M Flores.
0416-6810052.
Dearest Carrie,
I, for one, am grateful to see whoever Carrie is today. Who am I to force you to stagnate!!! I want you to grow and be whoever you were meant to be, today and always. Who is Carrie Fisher? I am Carrie Fisher. I am a cat on a hot tin roof. I am Scarlet O’Hara. I am Humphrey Bogart. I am all these things, and more! And If Ingrid Bergman flies off with Rhett, why should I care? I am a princess. I am a scoundrel. I am a wise-woman. I am a fool. We are all strange and beautiful beings; snowflakes floating from the heavens at light speed towards earth. Don’t try to please me, let me see you as you are this moment, whether that is glistening in the sun or a dark torrential of flurries. It is for me to find the beauty and appreciate it. You only have to be.
Now and Always,
May Whee
AN OBSERVATION
The (suprisingly long) list of my biggest surprises about Carrie Fisher (you! if you read that what I doubt, haha) (and the rest of the world) when I made my first attempt in stalking CF on the internut after seeing Star Wars for just the very second time in my life (though I don’t even live in the Sahara Desert or an ice cave in Greenland, we just don’t get that many tv channels) and thought I had to check out who actually might be behind my new favourite movie princess.
1) Day of birth. Which makes her only 19 in first Star Wars which is younger than me! Holy Shit.
According to my order of realization: a) There is a Star Wars Holiday Special. (Sounds fancy!) b) Fancy titles don’t always vouch for good cinematic productions. (Is it necessary (or, reasonable) to inform people that Chewbacca is not only married and fathered children (holy shit) but also has a hell lot of relatives who all look like Harry and the Hendersons and make noises like a giant sea lion herd?) c) Already awful odes to celebrate holidays of hairy huge alien Bigfoots are worse when the singer is obviously high. (Wait a second – oh, Carrie and drugs? I see.)
2) Gosh, and a Hollywood child, plus fancy tabloid scandals like the one including Elizabeth Taylor.
3) Bad mouth, and how awesome is that.
4) She was with Paul Simon, who also wrote songs about her. Could you believe it? Now I will forever connect Simon & Garfunkel with Star Wars. Great. Just imagine the Millennium Falcon cruising through space to „The Boxer“.
5) Cripes! She was (unnoticed by me) in two movies I’ve already seen! Marie in „When Harry met Sally“ and April in „Hannah and her sisters“ are the same, go figure!
6) She is not only a novelist and script writer but also a script doctor which sounds like an extremly meaningful job. Like a job to save some sorry movies’ asses.
7) A republican guy who claimed to be rich but wasn’t awoke dead next to her in her bed. Or, didn’t wake. Oh. People, when get the chance to, ask very weird questions about it.
9) WAIT a second! And she’s bipolar. What else is coming?
10) She writes a blog!
11) Reading her blog lets you learn valuable things about life. Among other things, fancy new vocabulary like „lionshare“.
12) She’s a poet! Who would’ve imagined?
“In my dress made out of lunatic grey / My mind will go dancing, prancing away! / With you my honey all sticky and sweet, / Lying in a puddle all around my feet!”
13) She has a piano in her bathroom (that sounds good) and James Blunt has played on it.
14) ‘Wetlands’. Carrie Fisher knows about ‘Wetlands’. Oh my god.
15) She likes the word „anyway“.
16) Hugh Hefner was actually young once.
17) Some people think she resembles Yoda or Jabba the Hutt. Or Elton John.
18) She knows that some people think she resembles Yoda or Jabba the Hutt. Or Elton John. That might be the downside of googling oneself.
19) She has a daughter who’s father turned out to be gay.
20) She befriends cool people like Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon.
Because of your insight (with script dialogue) you have helped me to improve my writing by delving deeper into my characters which in essense has enhanced or even recreated some of my plots – thank you – your honesty has helped me to write more honestly. Live long and prosper! – - I know Spock wasn’t a part of Star Wars – - I just wanted to wish you well. Take care.